After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
