drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
