6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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