we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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