I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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