you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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