fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
