I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
