Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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