he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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