hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
