if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
