If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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