My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
