i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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