that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
