Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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