Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
