not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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