You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
