Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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