walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
