So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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