I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
