Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dick has a subreddit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
