Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
