OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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