I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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