ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Say something about gay babies.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
