The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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