Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
