I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
