Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
