My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
