im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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