somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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