I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
