And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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