Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
