Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
