Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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