U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
