Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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