Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
