The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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