My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
