exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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