I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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