Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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