Is it because I queefed?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
