I have demons in me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
