There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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