Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
