Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
