I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
