Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
