i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
