Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
