I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
