i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
