you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
