You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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