I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
